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I often have the feeling that things are less special to me than they are to others. I am not sure what to do with this sensation except I have learned that it is not wise to inform the other party. The other party finds the moment precious. When you try to explain to them that this sensation is something you are well familiar with, they balk.

The most ready example is with my lovers. I have a tendency to not follow norms. This abandonment of norms allows for surprises. Surprises are where people reveal themselves because they are vulnerable. I use this to create a deep connection with them. I am legitimately interested in them but I am also the surprise maker. The surprise maker is more calcuated than the one who is responding to the surprise.

This is a feature of hypnosis, as well. In hypnosis, there is an technique known as the handshake induction. It is when the hypnotist goes in for a handshake but rather than the normal procedure, he pick’s up the subjects hand and holds it up to them. By taking an automatic response, such as a handshake, and making it go in a completely different direction, the subject is thrown completely off. In that moment of bewilderment, the hypnotist introduces a command, inducing the subject into hypnosis.

My technique may not be as fluid as this but it adopts many of the same principles. An example of this is my usage of the word love. I throw the idea of love into the mix as soon as we have connected as lovers. I say it to them as I fuck them. This is confounding. “Of course, he doesnt love me, we barely know each other.” And yet, it is also deeply pleasurable to play that game. Is this manipulative? Perhaps. I think all games are manipulative; I think all interactions are games.

So why is it that I feel this way? I believe it is a byproduct of narcissism, romanticism, and an innate detachment I have from others. I tend to poeticize every thing. This either turns people off or on. For those that are attracted to it or find themselves near me for an extended period, they get absorbed into the dramatic world I create for myself. If you’re not used to such dramaticism then the experience feels vivid and quite special. But for me, I am in it all the time. I love the people that I’m surrounded by, I appreciate the special moments I have with them. The surprise maker, however, has a different vantage point.